I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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