If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
