you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
