Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
