I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
