you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
