for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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