that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is it fun? or sober?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
