Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
