After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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