I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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