Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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