u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
