Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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