just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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