do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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