i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My feet surprised me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
