I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
