zippers are such a cool invention
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
