"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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