I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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