i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
