Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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