u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
