i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
