The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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