Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will be naked everywhere
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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