Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
