I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
