yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
