Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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