dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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