what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
