this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
