Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
