i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
