I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
