I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
