just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have fence marks all over my body
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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