Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
