i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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