Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
