matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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