There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
