Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
