if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
