the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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