DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
