U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
