If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
