I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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