Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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