My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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