Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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