so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
