I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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