Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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