i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
