I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
