I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
