cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
