I bet he comes in French.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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