this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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