Screwed.edu
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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