I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
