Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
