Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
