just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
