i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
