Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
