chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
