I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Two words: blizzard sex
pray to the hookup gods
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
