we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
