Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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