Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
this is an emotional support booty call
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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