How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
