dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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