Where is the hickey?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
