it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
