do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
