Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
