we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
