Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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