I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
