I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
